We were originally scheduled to be traveling home from our annual trip to South Carolina on Halloween. I decided we would forfeit Halloween this year… I know, I am a cruel mother. When were asked to stay an additional week in SC I needed to come up with costumes quickly.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby I was gushing with joy for those 10 months. I envisioned the kind of parent I would be, strong, in control, calm yet firm. Dobson taught me all I needed to know. I was ready.
And then I delivered the baby, which wasn't so bad, but then came the post partum depression. This hit me hard, real hard. And I struggled, to put it lightly, with nursing. And sleep. Oh for love of sleep. One can never really be prepared on how sleep deprivation totally distorts ones reality. I found that this motherhood thing was not something I enjoyed at all.
Then quickly and unexpectantly God gave me another one of these creatures. And there I was feeling lost in a world filled with diapers, poop, and puke. My world had been completely turned upside-down. Many nights I went to sleep thinking that I hadn't smiled even just once throughout the day. I was mess!
Now 4 1/2 years later, three children, and a house that we have remained in for longer than 6 months I can say with confidence that this motherhood thing is enjoyable, not everyday all day. Is it easy? Hardly. In fact it is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have recently been taking a lot of time to reflect back on the past four years. I realized this has been an amazing journey full of lots of joy and lots of tears. It's worth the time and energy to look back because this is my life book and I write the chapters. Every chapter in my book, the people, the places, the excitement, the pain; all hold a special place. And I've realized, that all that has happened, needed to happen for me to become the wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and child of God that I am today.
About a month ago I taught the kids how to play rock, paper, scissor. And, just like anything else new I show them, they wanted to play for the next 6 hours... especially Korben. I've used, what I like to call the rock, paper, scissors guide to parenting, to end an argument or a battle for the latest greatest toy. The excitement of this great hand game faded.
But then several weeks later Kenzie asked me to play. I say, "Ok let's play". She grabs my hand and guides me over to the table to play. When I get to the table I find this.
…that the dentist office could feel like a mini vacation. I knew I needed a little break from the kiddos when I remembered I had a dentist appointment this morning and I was excited about it. When the dentist walked in he asked, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am so relaxed, could I stay for the day?"
This was written on 9/3 when Korben started school. I am just getting around to posting it now.
Korben,
You started preschool today. I didn't weep and cry but I could have and almost did. You will be going 3 days a week from 9-1pm. You see, you are my first and this is all new to me. You and I, we need the break from one another and I think that it is ok to say that. We are a lot alike and that makes our relationship tense at times. When 1pm comes I am excited to hear about your day of play and adventures and you seem curious about mine… I think you are just checking with me to make sure you didn't miss out on anything important. I am so excited for you and scared for you. I'm scared to let you go into this world where there is so much that can negatively infect your spirit. But we can do this. Both of us because we have a God that will never leave us or forsake us.
Praying for you always.
I love you.
-Mama
Kenzie and I were discussing what kind of activities she would be interested in participating in this fall. I mentioned some choices. "You could take a dance class, a cooking class, or maybe swimming lessons." She mentioned that her top choices were cooking and sleeping. I didn't realize that she found such enjoyment in sleeping that she labeled it as a fun activity. Let me just mention that Kenzie never sleeps past 7am and most days is up by 6am. So I discussed with Kenzie the importance of practice. To master a skill one must practice over and over again. It would be wise to make a decision to sleep until 8am or 9am and then you will have all the practice you need to become a pro-sleeper.
The only problem is…
Fast forward 10 years…
Me: Kenzie, time to wake up for school.
Kenzie: Mom, not now, I am practicing to become a pro.
