Reflecting

When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby I was gushing with joy for those 10 months.  I envisioned the kind of parent I would be, strong, in control, calm yet firm.  Dobson taught me all I needed to know.  I was ready.

And then I delivered the baby, which wasn't so bad, but then came the post partum depression.  This hit me hard, real hard.   And I struggled, to put it lightly, with nursing.  And sleep.  Oh for love of sleep.  One can never really be prepared on how sleep deprivation totally distorts ones reality.  I found that this motherhood thing was not something I enjoyed at all.

Then quickly and unexpectantly God gave me another one of these creatures.  And there I was feeling lost in a world filled with diapers, poop, and puke.  My world had been completely turned upside-down.  Many nights I went to sleep thinking that I hadn't smiled even just once throughout the day.  I was mess!

Now 4 1/2 years later, three children, and a house that we have remained in for longer than 6 months I can say with confidence that this motherhood thing is enjoyable, not everyday all day.  Is it easy?  Hardly.  In fact it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I have recently been taking a lot of time to reflect back on the past four years.  I realized this has been an amazing journey full of lots of joy and lots of tears.  It's worth the time and energy to look back because this is my life book and I write the chapters.  Every chapter in my book, the people, the places, the excitement, the pain; all hold a special place.  And I've realized, that all that has happened, needed to happen for me to become the wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and child of God that I am today.